Time is moving way too fast.
I find my head spinning from trying to keep up. It’s almost as if I’m on a Merry-Go-Round, but the darn thing malfunctioned and is spinning out of control.
A few years ago, I was slung off of that Merry-Go-Round. And, when I hit the ground, I hit hard.
It should have been one of the happiest years of my life. My first book was traditionally published. Instead of being one of the best-remembered years, though, 2013 turned into my worst nightmare.
One of the hardest knocks I received came from people who claimed to be Christians. To be treated the way that I was treated could in no way be considered ‘God-like’. I had a harassment suit, but too many innocent people would have had to pay for what a few did. Besides, that is something for God to judge them for. Not me.
My husband had his second heart bypass surgery in January of that year. In March, Mama fell. We realized she could no longer be alone, so the decision was made for her to move in with us. My step-daughter was here at the time and could help.
Circumstances at work were getting worse. Mama was getting sicker by the day. My book released and I couldn’t promote or anything. I barely knew it happened. The stress of trying to handle everything was getting to me.
For my birthday that year, I lost my job. I would have had to quit two weeks later, though. Mama had been in and out of the hospital, and my step-daughter could no longer help her.
Daily, I dealt with the pain of watching my mama waste away. And, daily, I tried to endure the repercussions from how I’d been treated. My already bad back and hips grew worse from having to lift and pull on Mama. My mental strength dwindled. I felt weak and helpless.
We lost Mama in September of that year. Nurses had prepared me for it beforehand. They’d told me that it would be a relief when she passed and not to be ashamed. It was natural.
They were correct. And, it wasn’t because I didn’t love Mama. I did. And I will always cherish those last few months we had together no matter how hard they were. It was a relief to no longer have to see her suffer–to know she was finally free and without pain.
It’s going on three years now. 2014 wasn’t much kinder, and last years was no breeze. It’s been hard.
But, I am a survivor. I refuse to be kept down. I got back on that Merry-Go-Round a while back. So far, things are getting better. And, God willing (and no more hip malfunctions) they will continue to do so.